February T-Shirt Review Recap

Here’s a recap of all the t-shirts we reviewed during Feb:

Weekend Forecast T-Shirt

You may want to plan that zoo trip and family picnic for Sunday, as it looks like there’s an 80% chance of afternoon alien invasion Saturday, according to the Weekend Forecast t-shirt. Headline Shirts’ exclusive Storm Tracker Triple 4-D Super Doppler Radar is picking up a hostile UFO front moving southeast out of Canada. The system will likely include short, macrocephalic green men with bulging eyes, hovering spacecrafts and light flurries.

In this irreverently sardonic tee, a typical three-day forecast includes a 71-degree planetary takeover sandwiched between two wonderfully temperate spring days. Overall, a pretty lovely weekend.

Of course, that alien invasion could miss us entirely, making it a great weekend. Mother Nature is fickle when it comes to when and where she decides to dump her rain, sleet and/or galactic antagonists.

Let’s resolve to prepare for the worst — sharpen your pitchforks, hide your daughters — but hope that this particular alien invasion hits Columbus, Ohio. Unless you live in Columbus. In which case, you might want to start contemplating by what random yet essentially simple means (water, ultraviolet light, the love of a child) you may defeat the alien race.

Details:
Colors: Black
Sizes: S-XL
Price: $19

You don’t want to get unwittingly caught in an alien invasion storm.
Check the forecast, get your Weekend Forecast t-shirt here.

I’m In Ur Blank T-Shirt

“I’m in ur computer reviewing ur t-shirts.” That’s what my I’m In Ur Blank t-shirt would say. Confused? I’ll explain. This nifty write-on, wipe-off t-shirt comes with a washable marker, some blank lines and the essence of a Web-famous catchphrase — I’m in ur base killing your d00dz.

If you’re unfamiliar with this line, bless your heart, but just know that it originated among on-line gamers and was then inexplicably picked up by the LOLcats (or is it LOLcatz? I don’t fuckin’ know) movement. Anyway, it’s time to see this Internet classic with a clean pair of eyes, and the onus is on you.

It’s like Madlibs, except all you ever need is a location, a gerund and a noun. If you’re a doctor you could be “in ur colon videotaping ur ass.” The state penitentiary’s alpha male may be “in ur colon dicking ur ass.” Prostate cancer would be “in ur colon cancering ur ass.” As you can see, the possibilities are endless. If you don’t like where you are and what you’re ____ing, just wash the shirt and come up with something new. It doesn’t even have to be colon or ass related.

Details:
Color: Black
Sizes: S-3XL
Price: from $17.99

Comes with a washable marker so you can write and reuse!
I’m in ur good esteem insisting ur wise enough to get the I’m In Ur Blank t-shirt.

Steampunk Skeleton T-Shirt

Steampunk: a movement that marries steam power with science fiction. Think Back to the Future III when Doc Brown blows into town in his flying locomotive time machine. A steampunk item appears rudimentary, like it was made from spare copper in Hephaestus’ workshop, but it’s entirely state-of-the-art. You know, kind of like the bio-mechanic thoracic region featured on the Steampunk Skeleton T-Shirt.

The geeks at ThinkGeek describe this shirt as a low-maintenance option for those wanting a mechanized rib cage and spinal column, and really, who doesn’t? I’d add that if you’re interested in going all the way with bone replacements, this is a good way to dip a toe in the water, as it were.

Honestly, though, who are we kidding? Science hasn’t come this far. When steam power was in its heyday (did steam power have a heyday?) people assumed we’d be flying around in jet packs by now. If you travel back in time and ask some guy in 1885 if he thinks people in 2010 will have steam powered bones and organs he’d probably say, “Time traveler?! What sort of witchcraft is this?!” but then later he’d say, “Yes.”

Detail:
Color: Black
Sizes: S-3XL
Price: from $15.99

The reality of this is ever so slightly out of reach, so bide your time and get your Steampunk Skeleton t-shirt here.

Political Mind T-Shirt

The Political Mind t-shirt conveys its message through the lens of phrenology, the arcane practice of deriving one’s personality traits via the shape of one’s skull. Today, we know that phrenology is a load of shiny crap and phrenologists, nothing but rakish vagabonds who deserve nothing but the worst life has to offer. We also know that the brain is actually made out of cheese and glitter.

But back to phrenology, or more specifically, the political mind. According to Headline Shirts, the mind of a politician can be phrenologically divided into measurable parts. You have your Pandering module, of course. There’s Brownnosery, Shit Slinging and Moral Flaccidity. Mommy and Daddy Issues, naturally. Then, taking up about 50% of a politician’s brain — the Bullshittal Lobe.

Obviously, some politicians may take umbrage at this shirt. They may call it “partisan” or “callous”. Well, Mr. Politician, (a) if you look near the cerebellum, at the part of the brain that probably doesn’t get used too often, you’ll notice a small module designating Integrity, which means the shirt is fair. (b) What’s callous is using tax-payer dollars to buy yachts and whores and cocaine that you snort off the whores’ asses on the poop deck.

Details:
Colors: Black
Sizes: S-3XL
Price: $19

Gerrymander your way into getting the Political Mind t-shirt here!

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