Political Mind T-Shirt
February 22, 2010
The Political Mind t-shirt conveys its message through the lens of phrenology, the arcane practice of deriving one’s personality traits via the shape of one’s skull. Today, we know that phrenology is a load of shiny crap and phrenologists, nothing but rakish vagabonds who deserve nothing but the worst life has to offer. We also know that the brain is actually made out of cheese and glitter.
But back to phrenology, or more specifically, the political mind. According to Headline Shirts, the mind of a politician can be phrenologically divided into measurable parts. You have your Pandering module, of course. There’s Brownnosery, Shit Slinging and Moral Flaccidity. Mommy and Daddy Issues, naturally. Then, taking up about 50% of a politician’s brain — the Bullshittal Lobe.
Obviously, some politicians may take umbrage at this shirt. They may call it “partisan” or “callous”. Well, Mr. Politician, (a) if you look near the cerebellum, at the part of the brain that probably doesn’t get used too often, you’ll notice a small module designating Integrity, which means the shirt is fair. (b) What’s callous is using tax-payer dollars to buy yachts and whores and cocaine that you snort off the whores’ asses on the poop deck.
Details:
Colors: Black
Sizes: S-3XL
Price: $19
Gerrymander your way into getting the Political Mind t-shirt here!
Police Line T-Shirt
February 19, 2010
It’s not easy being a riot control officer. Public perception is that those who wear full-body Kevlar and shoot rubber bullets at swarming crowds are a bunch of Debbie Downers. This couldn’t be further from the truth. As evidenced by Headline Shirts’ Police Line t-shirt, these officers only want everyone in the enraged masses they douse with tear gas to have a totally amazing day and also to remember to smile. Sage advice!
Please note, the officer in this sardonic black t-shirt could have employed any number of passive aggressive messages, including but not limited to: Stop throwing rocks, please! or We’re this close to getting the real bullets! However, he takes the high road. After all, like Mom always said, if you don’t have anything nice to say…
If there were any doubts about this shirt’s goodwill, we will note that it comes with a screen-printed tagless neck, so no gratuitous itchy tag, which in many cases is just as annoying as a billy club to the solar plexus. Thank you, Sir! May we have another?
Details:
Colors: Black
Sizes: Small to XL
Price: from $19
Behind the tactical riot gear and assault rifle, we’re all just cuddle teddy bears. Freeze! You have the right to remain super-duper happy with the Police Line t-shirt!
Legalize It T-Shirt
January 23, 2010
Want to express your feelings about the War on (some kinds of) Drugs? Checkout the Legalize It T-Shirt from Liberty Maniacs. Oh and don’t mind the warped print on the fat guy modeling it on Zazzle, that’s just unfortunate!
The “Hemp Is Evil” crusade is purely a 20th-century invention. Back in the day, both George Washington and Thomas Jefferson grew hemp on their farms. In fact, Washington continued growing hemp even after becoming President. History does not record if they ever took advantage of hemp’s, ahem, happiness-making properties. But since this is a T-shirt blog, not a history blog, who cares about evidence? They totally did. Anyone who wants to be President must be on *something*, right?
You have to feel for Washington, though — getting a case of the munchies must have been tough when all you have is wooden false teeth.
Details:
Colors: Black, navy
Sizes: Small, medium, large, XL, XXL, XXXL, XXXXL
Price: $28.99 (+$3.00 for sizes over XL)
Oddly, this shirt is not available in hemp fiber. But you can get it in green!
Get your Legalize It T-Shirt here.
Democratic Donkey T-Shirt
January 22, 2010
In politics, there are times for reasoned debate: the calm exchange of ideas, the give and take of negotiation, the even-handed search for consensus. And then, there are times when you just want to show your opponents’ symbol with its head jammed up its poop chute.
The Democratic Donkey T-Shirt shows the familiar Democratic beast of burden bent in a vertebra-cracking way so its head is stuffed up its rear. Whether you’re a conservative angered by Democratic overreach, or a progressive furious at Democratic sellouts, this shirt should help you express your true feelings about the party of donkeys.
(By the way, I got through this whole thing without making a single “ass” double entendre. Yes, I am proud of myself.)
Details:
Colors: Black, white, kelly green, forest green, army, navy, creme, heather gray, cranberry, asphalt
Sizes: S, M, L, XL, XXL, XXXL
Price: From $19
Feeling political? Get your Democratic Donkey t-shirt here.
Nation of Sheep T-Shirt
January 21, 2010
The A Nation of Sheep T-Shirt shirt from Liberty Maniacs takes its text from a quote by the crusading journalist Edward R. Murrow. And after reporting on the Nazi takeover of Europe, the spread of Communism, and the McCarthy Red Scare, Murrow knew quite a bit about governmental wolves exploiting sheepish populations.
You have to wonder what Murrow would think today, seeing an increasingly passive country foddered by news that doesn’t inform and apparently unable to do anything more than baa quietly in the face of repeated failures by our leaders. Better yet, what do you think? If it gets you upset, this shirt can help show that you’re not one of the flock.
Details:
Colors: Black, kelly green
Size: Small, medium, large, XL, XXL
Price: $25.99 (+$3.00 for XXL)
Don’t get fleeced! Gather all your woolpower and take it on the lamb … what? But I had half a dozen more sheep puns … okay, okay, just get your A Nation of Sheep T-Shirt here.
