God Kills a LOLcat T-Shirt
Those damned LOLcats. “Can has cheezburger? I r in ur rectim sleeping.” They’re as cute as they are horrible at grammar. Speaking of which, God has decided He’s had enough with the lackadaisical English usage. According to the God Kills a LOLcat t-shirt, every time a cat “can has” something, a LOLcat loses one of its nine lives. Conversely, every time a bell rings, a LOLcat gets its head stuck in the stairs banister.
You can tell the cats are dead on this shirt because there’s a bloody stack of about seven of the little twerps with little Xs for eyes, a telltale sign that someone/something is dead. Underneath them is the caveat, with “God kills a LOLcat” in bold red font, just in case you thought He was joking about this shit.
There may be a war raging in the Middle East and 400-billion unemployed people in America, but it’s good to see God devoting some of his precious omnipotent time making sure the world’s LOLcat population starts using better grammar. These insane captions need to be put down. There is no Z in cheeseburger! There is no spoon! (?)
Details:
Color: Black
Sizes: S-3XL
Price: from $15.99
If you ask for a cheeseburger correctly, you are more than welcome, LOLcat.
Get your God Kills a LOLcat t-shirt here.
Zombie Protest T-Shirt
It’s hard to imagine the person a zombie once was when that same zombie is busy eating the flesh off your infant son’s face. Still, it’s important to remember that zombies are people too (or, rather, were people). Become one of the many fighting for zombie rights with the Zombie Protest t-shirt from ThinkGeek.
Would you ask the sun to stop shining? Would you ask the rain to stop falling? Then how would you ask a zombie to stop eating the flesh off your infant son’s face? It is their nature. Nobody gets bent out of shape when a human shoves his gaping maw full of gas station hot dogs. To a zombie, the supple flesh of a newborn child is just as succulent as the three-day-old, slightly burnt mystery meat in a 7-Eleven frankfurter. In other words, don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Hasn’t the zombie on this shirt been through enough? Not only did he DIE, but he’s only got one shoe and what looks to be facial herpes and a nasty head contusion. The last thing he needs is your bitching about, “Oh, that’s my son’s face!” Deal with it.
Details:
Colors: Military Green
Sizes: S-XXL
Price: from $15.99
It’s 2010. Support the zombie cause – get the Zombie Protest t-shirt here. It’s the change Obama was talking about.
8-Bit Imagination T-Shirt
Sometime around Super Nintendo’s Golden Eye: 007, many video game aficionados made the tough call to put down the controller for good or else succumb to a severe stroke. The graphics were becoming too amazing. The reality, too real. So much was happening on screen that players forgot to blink and would suffer acute cases of vertigo.
Gamers yearning for the graphics and medical peace of mind of yesteryear need look no further than the 8-Bit Imagination T-Shirt. In this tee, video gaming’s original tank, the 8-bit red thingy from Atari’s Combat cartridge imagines himself as a 3D Abrams tank. Old 8-Bit can’t be anything more than 25 pixels of pea-shooting power, but damn it, that’s why we love him. Still, we can’t fault Lil’ Tank for dreaming big. It’s not like many of us are entirely satisfied with our station in life, either. Also, being two-dimensional is probably a pretty big drag, what with having no depth and all.
Will 8-Bit ever achieve his dream of being a 70 ton tank? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean he should stop dreaming. Because like Thomas Jefferson once said, “Tanks can be whatever they want.” Or something.
Details:
Color: Black
Sizes: S-3XL
Price: from $15.99
Buck up, little guy. At least you’re better than Pong.
Get your 8-Bit Imagination t-shirt here.
February T-Shirt Review Recap
Here’s a recap of all the t-shirts we reviewed during Feb:
Funny T-Shirts
I Can Kill You With My Brain T-Shirt
Gamer T-Shirts
Achievement Unlocked: Left the House T-Shirt
Geeky T-Shirts
Interactive T-Shirts
Offensive T-Shirts
Fuck Your Good Ol’ Days T-Shirt
Political T-Shirts
Retro T-Shirts
Want to get your t-shirt reviewed next month? Click here for details.
Weekend Forecast T-Shirt
You may want to plan that zoo trip and family picnic for Sunday, as it looks like there’s an 80% chance of afternoon alien invasion Saturday, according to the Weekend Forecast t-shirt. Headline Shirts’ exclusive Storm Tracker Triple 4-D Super Doppler Radar is picking up a hostile UFO front moving southeast out of Canada. The system will likely include short, macrocephalic green men with bulging eyes, hovering spacecrafts and light flurries.
In this irreverently sardonic tee, a typical three-day forecast includes a 71-degree planetary takeover sandwiched between two wonderfully temperate spring days. Overall, a pretty lovely weekend.
Of course, that alien invasion could miss us entirely, making it a great weekend. Mother Nature is fickle when it comes to when and where she decides to dump her rain, sleet and/or galactic antagonists.
Let’s resolve to prepare for the worst — sharpen your pitchforks, hide your daughters — but hope that this particular alien invasion hits Columbus, Ohio. Unless you live in Columbus. In which case, you might want to start contemplating by what random yet essentially simple means (water, ultraviolet light, the love of a child) you may defeat the alien race.
Details:
Colors: Black
Sizes: S-XL
Price: $19
You don’t want to get unwittingly caught in an alien invasion storm.
Check the forecast, get your Weekend Forecast t-shirt here.
