Cthulhu Sushi T-Shirt

Hey look, it’s Cthulhu, only slightly geekier than usual, thanks to the addition of a pair of Jinx’s signature glasses! They call it the Cthulhu Sushi T-Shirt, interesting.

Cthu-what you say? Cthulhu (often, but arguably pronounced kah-thoo-loo) is writer H.P Lovecraft’s most well known creation, and is one of the central Great Old Ones of the Lovecraft Mythos. Cthulhu is often cited for the extreme descriptions given of its hideous appearance, its gargantuan size, and the abject terror that it evokes, often driving mortal men insane.

The dark colour scheme of this design works well for the subject matter, and I like that it’s not center aligned. Click on the image to go to the site, and you’ll see that the Cthulhu graphic lays over the left chest area.

Details:
Color: Black
Sizes: S-4XL
Price: from $19.99

Become a Cthulhu Cultist and get your Cthulhu Sushi T-shirt here.
P.S You can read H.P Lovecraft’s classic The Call of Cthulhu here.

Large Hadron Collider T-Shirt

When the Large Hadron Collider was finally flipped on awhile back, many people worried that it would create a black hole that the planet would get sucked into. There was even a ridiculous YouTube video depicting what it would look like (hilarious). Thankfully, we didn’t get sucked into a super massive singularity, or else you wouldn’t have been able to order the Torso-Friendly Large Hadron Collider t-shirt today.

This nifty shirt features the six major components of the LHC printed around the torso. From afar, it looks like a stuffy science tee, but upon closer inspection you’ll find that even science can be fun and full of LOLs! For example, if you check out the bit of text beneath the LHCf component it reads:

“Large Hadron Collider forward
Analyzes the energy and number of neutral pions produced. Cosmic rays! Pew pew pew!”

It’s funny AND educational! Each of the six parts comes with its own brief description and accompanying zinger. And let me tell you, there’s nothing better than a science zinger. SCIENCE!!!

Details:
Color: Blue
Sizes: S-3XL
Price: from $15.99

Unless you’re Preston Waters and you come upon a blank check one day (that’s right, a Blank Check reference), you’ll never be able to afford your own Hadron Collider, so the next best thing is the Torso-Friendly Large Hadron Collider t-shirt.

Bling Bling T-Shirt

The turn of the 20th century represented a watershed moment in history, and I’m not talking about Y2K. As every man, woman and child held figurative hands and stepped into the year 2000, we were blessed with a gift the likes of which mankind hasn’t seen since the birth of Jesus Christ (who you may find hiding in a nearby mulberry bush, see the hiding jesus t-shirt). That gift was Lil’ Wayne immortalizing the term “bling-bling”.

Today, bling-bling is everywhere. Kids use it. Moms use it. And now, gulls use it. In the Bling Bling T-Shirt from T-Shirt Hell, a seagull sports the latest in avian accoutrements — plastic six-pack rings. Damn, Mr. Gull, that shit lookin’ tight. Personally, I’d stick my neck in the top-left ring, but you’re the gull, here.

When it comes to bird jewelry fashioned from humanity’s ill-advised creations and general irresponsibility, it’s hard to beat plastic six-pack rings. This bird is certainly a dedicated follower of fashion.

Details below but just a note that you have myriad options in terms of how you’ll wear this t-shirt. Hoodies, spaghetti straps, 3/4 sleeve, even ringer tees for those who appreciate subtle puns.

Details:
Color: ALL!
Sizes: Men S-5XL; Women S-2XL
Price: from $19

It’s only a matter of time before someone starts selling six-pack rings at mall kiosks. Get your Bling Bling t-shirt here.

If I Can Build a Computer, I Can Make You Cum T-Shirt

Today’s t-shirt reminds one (or at least me) of Revenge of the Nerds, specifically the scene in which Louis, King Nerd, seduces and scores with Betty Childs, the jocks’ alpha female. Louis fools Betty into thinking he’s her jock boyfriend by wearing a Darth Vader mask (because of how jocks always want to do it in Vader masks?). They have sex, it’s phenomenal and Louis attributes his coital acumen to the fact that he’s a nerd and thinks about sex all day. In other words, he’s smart enough to build a computer, so he can make her — ahem — orgasm.

That’s the claim made by the I Can Make You Cum t-shirt. You have to think it’s somewhat true, too, and not just because it takes smarts to build a PC. Building a computer from scratch takes ingenuity, patience and a good work ethic, which are all required if you want to make someone cum. Ask Dr. Drew.

Some say you can get too good at building computers and that this affects your ability to give the gift of orgasm. Perhaps, but a good balance of science and seduction will always end in a “successful delivery”.

Details:
Color: Black
Sizes: S-4XL
Price: from $22

By “successful delivery” I mean “stained mattress”. Get your I Can Make You Cum t-shirt here.

Cookie Cutter T-Shirt

Kermit has nothing on Cookie Monster. Being green may be no bed of roses, but what’s really hard is being a blue monster with an eating disorder. It seems like everywhere he goes on 123 Sesame Street someone is yelling at Cookie Monster for eating so many cookies. He can’t get enough of those things! He has a serious problem!

Really, we should have noticed the warning signs. The manic fits of binge eating. The fact that I’m pretty sure 95% of the cookies he “ate” fell out of his mouth in crumbs. The bottom line is it shouldn’t have come to this. It shouldn’t have come to the Cookie Cutter t-shirt. In it, the lovable blue fur ball has made the ultimate decision — to take his own life. Sadly, it seems we were just moments too late. We find Cookie with the bloody razor blade still dripping in his hand, his last cookie lying poetically at his side with nary a tooth mark. The gory details are written all over his wrist.

It’s shocking, really. First David Foster Wallace, now this? Why, God, why couldn’t it have been Elmo, instead?

Details:
Color: Black
Sizes: M-2XL
Price: from $22

Can you tell me how to get to the suicide prevention facility? Get your Cookie Cutter t-shirt here.

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