Treadmill Zombie (Eternal Exercise) T-Shirt
Do you know how much saturated fat is in brains? Through the roof, friend. There’s more fat in an average 30-year-old’s brain than 300 McDonald’s Big Macs. There’s an epidemic today, and it’s zombie obesity. Spread the word about the need for zombie fitness with the Eternal Exercise t-shirt (aka the Zombie Treadmill t-shirt).
It seems like every time you turn on the news they’re doing some story about how fat zombies are with all that footage of fat ass zombies walking around with their fat stomachs distended endlessly over their pants. Never their heads, though. You wouldn’t want to shame a zombie for being such a fat ass zombie loser asshole.
No more shame for the zombie in this t-shirt, though. He’s finally utilizing that treadmill his zombie wife bought him five years ago after his high cholesterol scare. Good for him. Exercising is definitely the way to go for a zombie because it’s not like he’s ever going to stop eating brains. What else can zombies eat? Hot Pockets? Get out of here, Jake.
The great thing is that the treadmill motor should last a long time since he’ll only use speed level 1. Zombies are comically slow!!!
Details:
Color: Silver
Sizes: S-3XL
Price: from $19.99
It’s more expensive, but get your zombie free range brains, and get your Eternal Exercise shirt here.
You Are Here T-Shirt
It’s all relative. When your neighbors ask when you’re planning to remove all the dead hooker bodies from your front yard and you say “soon,” it’s really up for grabs what exactly “soon” means. Your neighbors probably hope soon means “sometime this weekend,” but in the cosmic scheme of things it could just as easily mean “sometime in the next 10,000 years,” which is VERY soon in cosmic terms. Your neighbors should be thrilled!
Speaking of things relative to the universe: ThinkGeek’s You Are Here t-shirt. This one is an old classic. I’m not sure where or when this shirt originated, but I think I’ve seen it in an old Simpsons episode. The premise is as simple as it is LOLious. First, you begin with a nice wide shot of the Milky Way Galaxy. For you novice astrophysicists out there, the Milky Way Galaxy is the very galaxy in which Earth resides. Science!
Then, for those who may be lost, a helpful sign reading YOU ARE HERE. It’s pointing right at Earth, and if we could zoom in far enough, we have to assume that it points to the shirt-wearer’s exact location. It’s probably very accurate!
Details:
Color: Black
Sizes: S-3XL
Price: from $15.99
If you’re a smart ass who loves smart ass answers, get your You Are Here t-shirt here.
St Patricks Day T-Shirts
Saint Patrick’s Day is coming up (March 17) so here’s the 7 best Irish / St Patricks day themed t-shirts we could find!
1. Fuck You You’re Irish T-Shirt $19.00
2. Irish I Were Drunk T-Shirt $16.99
3. Fight Me I’m Irish T-Shirt $16.99
4. Irish Today Hungover Tomorrow T-Shirt $29.50
5. I’ll Drink You Bitches Under the Table T-Shirt $29.60
6. St. Patrick’s Day Drinking Team T-Shirt $23.35
7. The Green Mile T-Shirt $27.95
Seen any better St. Patrick’s Day T-Shirts? Let us know in the comments below!
Electronic Drum Kit T-Shirt
Remember ThinkGeek’s electric guitar t-shirt? Of course you do because it was awesome. Well, those wily geeks have done it again by taking awesome to the next level with the Electronic Drum Kit t-shirt.
As you might imagine, this shirt features a standard red drum kit on the front, replete with flaming red skull. Man, that sounds like a boring shirt, right? Are you serious? Have you learned nothing? This seemingly standard tee includes seven touch-activated sound pads underneath their corresponding pieces on the drum kit. You tap the bass drum, you hear bass drum. Tap the snare, you got snare, baby! (Is Billy Mays writing this review? R.I.P.)
What this means is that the next time you’re on the subway and some homeless man shambles up to you with dirty hands and rickets, you can just melt his face off with an impromptu drum solo. Yes!
Now, I can explain what this shirt is about until I’m blue in the balls, but wouldn’t it be easier to show you the shirt in action? Exactly, so take a gander, John Bonham:
Details:
Colors: Black
Sizes: L-XXL
Price: $29.99
(Get $10 off for the next 10 days, use promo: DNDRUM)
If you already have the Electric Guitar t-shirt, get the Electronic Drum Kit t-shirt and you’ll be well on your way to starting a band! (You should name your band Destiny’s Child.)
Refill Required T-Shirt
I’m sorry if I seem a little off, you guys. Today feels like my inner-coffee-cup is running on empty, just like the one pictured on ThinkGeek’s Refill Required t-shirt.
This tee mimics your laptop computer’s annoying and constantly low-battery warning. While we’re on the topic: what’s up with that? Why do laptop batteries always go to shit mere months after you buy the laptop? I’m no Lawnmower Man, I know enough about computers to turn them on and find the porn, so please, someone explain what the problem is here.
Anyway, our own human bodies are often just as annoying as laptop batteries in that as we get older, we constantly and more frequently feel like we’re near death. It is only thanks to the mystical and life-affirming attributes of coffee that anyone is able to get anything done, ever. Actually, I don’t even drink coffee, and now that I think about it, I’m only assuming this shirt’s cup is meant for coffee. How about we agree that you can put anything you want in your cup. As for what’s in my cup? Heroin.
Details:
Colors: Black
Sizes: S-3XL
Price: from $19
When your laptop runs out of battery, your computer dies. What happens when you run out of coffee?
Don’t press your luck, get the Refill Required t-shirt here.
